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| "Girl at Mirror" by Norman Rockwell |
As hard as we try to understand our place in the world from our own perspective we need to understand our peers' perception of us as well, but how? Verbal (and nonverbal) communication of (loving) constructive criticism, like validation is key. It isn't
sugar coating or dishonest compliments saying, "That is hilarious," when it really isn't; That gives a person a false sense of validation. And now, you're stuck with someone who proudly continually makes terrible jokes one after another. You would have been better off giving her a polite smile.
When you're fighting with your significant other, validation can be saying, "Although my motives are not what you
perceived from my actions, I
understand why you thought that or
why it upsets you." In lamest terms and an example? "When I was talking to my ex, I didn't mean to come off as flirting, but I can see why you're worried." Validation is saying, "You don't need to be worried. I left that person for a reason. I want to be with you." Validation is also honest. If the ex
is a threat, then its a false sense of validation. So an honest and scary validation would be saying, "I do have feelings for that person still. But... [Insert solution if applicable.]"
Without emotional validation, "Psh, she's just my ex. Don't you trust me," it can make people afraid to share their irrational feelings, because that's what they think they are. They think they shouldn't be feeling what they feel. It's called "gas lighting": tricking someone into believing their emotions are not
valid. (
source) But either way, without having emotional validation, it can make a person feel lost. It can lead to the same fight repeating over and over, instead of growth. And
that can be really "fun."
We need validation in our careers, as well. We need to know what we're good at, because if we're
not good at our profession, we need to know
how we can improve ...or
what we should be doing instead. Career validation can be, "Wow, you know how to make things happen." Validation can even be seeing your own progress. How you've made so much from scratch.
